By the time you read this, it will be summer.
The solstice will have occurred, one of the two times each year the sun seems to stand still in the sky for a moment before continuing its orbital motion.
Target™, in its trademark spirit of nearly intolerable seasonal anticipation, having been outfitted with inflatable beachballs since late March, will today begin shifting its display towards “Back to School” (if not Halloween).
There will not be a “warm” day again until autumn… days will either be “really hot”, “kind of hot” or “not as hot as yesterday”.
As it is now summertime, I have instantly gained five pounds.
Being originally from the Midwest, my personal physics do not recognize the need for a svelte summer shape. I hail from the center of the continent, far from the oceans, where “beach bodies” are entirely unnecessary.
There is no midwestern equivalent to a “beach body” – there is not a “lake body” or “pool body” (unless you're the first detective on the scene in a television show).
As midwestern summers were always very hot, I tended to move less frequently than during the school year. I also drank more soda, because I was “on vacation” at home, without the luxury of public school air conditioning, and it was important that I remain hydrated. Thus, I actually could gain weight during the summer months. When I was old enough, I got a summer job dancing at the amusement park, which should have helped exercise-wise but was still troublesome due to the theatre’s generous breaks between showtimes and proximity to a Haagen-Daz ice cream cart.
If I do need to remove a t-shirt for any reason during the next 90 days, I will, like everyone else, gird my abdominal muscles continually to fashion a physique I have titled “The 1 Pack”. I will then endure the searing pain of my cramped yet presentable midriff until I can get into the water or back in the car or behind a significant tree, to once again breathe freely.
1958: The Jamies, a sister and brother band from Boston, release what would be their biggest hit,
“It’s summertime, summertime, sum, sum, summertime…”
For the late 1950’s, the lyrics are rebellious, flippant, daring. The song is a madrigal that doesn’t suspect it is secretly a punk anthem, an early precursor to Pink Floyd’s “The Wall” or Alice Cooper’s “School’s Out” that became synonymous with the season, played on every AM station on the first day of summer for decades.
I cannot help but sing it myself every year. It is a summer Christmas carol.
Summer is now in full effect.
People are in mall parking lots, pausing after they open the doors to their car in order to “let the heat out”. Refrigerator doors are also being held open a few seconds longer, as owners languish in the sudden wave of delicious coolness. Coffee now requires a straw.
Days are long, nights are short, movies are blockbustery, and we forgot sunscreen again! We’ll have to pick some up at the drugstore on the way.
Suddenly, a Big Gulp™ seems like a perfectly logical amount of potable liquid.
It’s sum sum summertime.
Summertime, Summertime
Song by Thomas Earl Jameson
It's summertime, summertime, sum-sum-summertime
Summertime, summertime, sum-sum-summertime
Summertime, summertime, sum-sum-summertime
Summertime, summertime, sum-sum-summertime
Summertime
Well, shut them books and throw 'em away
And say goodbye to dull school days
Look alive and change your ways
It's summertime
Well, no more studying history
And no more reading geography
And no more dull geometry
Because it's summertime
It's time to head straight for them hills
It's time to live and have some thrills
Come along and have a ball
A regular free-for-all
Well, are you comin' or are you ain't?
You slow pokes are my one complaint
Hurry up before I faint
It's summertime
Well, I'm so happy that I could flip
Oh, how I'd love to take a trip
I'm sorry, teacher, but zip your lip
Because it's summertime
It's time to head straight for them hills
It's time to live and have some thrills
Come along and have a ball
A regular free-for-all
Well, we'll go swimmin' every day
No time to work, just time to play
If your folks complain, just say
"It's summertime"
And every night, we'll have a dance
'Cause what's a vacation without romance?
Oh, man, this jive gets me in a trance
Because it's summertime
It's time to head straight for them hills
It's time to live and have some thrills
Come along and have a ball
A regular free-for-all
It's summertime
It's summertime, summertime, sum-sum-summertime
Summertime.
15 Hours of Daylight.