Two mimes.
And they’re married.
And they are on tv.
Not only that, they have their OWN tv show.
On a major network.
In prime time.
Weekly.
And it’s an hour long.
And it’s a hit.
Hahahhahahaha…
…ah.
That’s real, by the way. If you can’t imagine a future where that could possibly happen, it’s probably because it has already happened.
In 1977 (and 1978) Shields and Yarnell had a summer replacement series on CBS. He was a mime, she was a dancer, and together they created this new thing that had never been seen before.
I was 11, and I thought it was kind of cool, but it wasn’t kids that made them super famous. They “invented” the robot moves made popular on disco dance floors, trained with the legendary Marcel Marceau, performed for two US Presidents and the Queen of England, and won a primetime Emmy. And they were everywhere on tv, from Bob Hope specials to American Bandstand.
If I walked in to any broadcasting network and suggested this idea, I’d be thrown out on my ear. I’d be lucky if it was my ear.
Yet, such was the magic of the summer replacement series. There seemed to be no rules whatsoever. Fictional characters stepped out of their shows to sing and dance, network stars battled in obstacle courses, hard rockers sang duets with colorful puppets. It was like every summer for almost a decade was curated by David Lynch.
The best of these were The Sonny and Cher Show and Hee Haw, both promoted to full series after the summer run; in fact, Hee Haw ran for 20 years. Whaddya mean you don’t remember Hee Haw? It’s rural Laugh-In. Whaddya mean you don’t remember Laugh-In?
The worst of these, the absolute legend, is the wreck of the train called Pink Lady and Jeff. Dateline: Hollywood, 1980. Fred Silverman, TV producer, is desperate for a new hit. Eureka! A variety show with the most popular musical act in the world teamed with the most hilarious comedian alive!
The problem wasn’t the recipe. If you had a show with BTS and Wanda Sykes I’d watch that right now. The problem was the ingredients.
Pink Lady was a female duo from Japan who were, at the time, kind of like BTS - millions of dollars in music sales, selling out stadiums, charting on radio worldwide. Of course they get offered a shot in the US, no brainer, but when Pink Lady arrived at the studio, they discovered that their show would be entirely in English. They didn't speak English, so every single word they uttered (carefree banter, comedy sketches, the translated lyrics of their very own songs) had to be memorized phonetically.
Oh, “and Jeff” was Jeff Altman. He was a “guy you’ve seen in things”, perennial special guest now thrust centerstage into the spotlight as playing the role of the everyman, the viewer at home, exactly as befuddled as we were about what was going on, only he was actually there, being pushed into a hot tub once a week. Which happened at the end of every episode. For some reason.
It Was Bad.
In fact, Pink Lady and Jeff represented the very first time that I, a kid, realized that something made professionally by grown-ups could be bad. As a kid you don’t get to decide what’s bad; saying you don’t like something only spotlights your inexperience, because if you were older and wiser, you’d get it. I am both those things now. Doesn’t make it any better.
This was the summer that my eyebrows, which until that time had been perpetually lifted in an open expression of childhood wonder, began to lightly furrow. The world shifted, as if in a Hitchcock film. I contemplated why Battle Beyond The Stars didn’t give me the same feeling as Empire Strikes Back, and why You Can’t Stop The Music left me entertained, yet… uneasy. I began to discern, not merely seeing, but actually looking.
Or not looking, but seeing. I don’t know, whatever, this show was really bad, but I have never forgotten it. I’ve seen every episode. I have it on DVD. It was bad in an amazing way, a way that showed me that everything didn’t have to be polished and perfect. The world had room for a lot of stuff. My stories and songs might make it, somewhere. I might even get to be on Match Game.
You are right, young one, sitting in front of your cathode ray tube in your t-shirt and gym shorts with that giant plastic tumbler full of ice water and a Silly Straw. That is an awful show. Embrace your instincts. Discern. Begin to trust your life experience. There are some things that age and wisdom do not improve. Perhaps the lima bean is not an acquired taste.
well, that happened.